How do you feel at 50?
I feel extra grateful to God. All my feelings, emotions and everything that is in me are filled with gratefulness to God because it can only be Him. If I start telling stories about my life, I will break down emotionally. And even if the tears come, they will be tears of joy because God never missed me in His radar.
So, my confessions at 50 are praises, thanksgiving and gratefulness to God. He gave me a husband any woman in the world would pray for. He gave me amazing, wonderful, God-fearing and caring children. They are the best things that ever happened to my life. They are the best children anyone in the corners of the world would ever have. Believe me, the world will hear and talk about them because they are so loving and lovable bundles of care givers. What else can a woman ask for in this life?
On top of this, God has crowned me in a special way by giving me an adorable grandson that is now my rainmaker of joy and happiness. So, friends and family should just join me and thank God; I don’t know what else I wished or asked God that He has not surpassed.
You have been married for how long?
I have pretty put in 30 years plus and am still counting. April 9, is our wedding anniversary; so we turned 30 this year.
What would you say has been behind such happy bliss these 30 years?
Oh well, bliss it has been, but tough times we have seen enough too. As my rule of conscience and loyalty, I cannot say a word about me without giving thanks to God because He is the proven able waymaker I know.
First, God gave me a patient man knowing who I am. No one is perfect and I admit I’m not an easy nut to crack myself. You have to really be up on your toes to actually make me continue to love you totally. To be honest, Tony is God’s best early investment and revelation of love I have had. It’s always good for people to grow together and that is the truth of our journey. When there is genuine love between a man and woman, things do go wrong too. There will be the usual ups and downs, you quarrel, and even shout at each other, but make up before the end of the day.
Let me say this to my fellow women as a tested advise. Whoever really wants to keep her marriage must have what my husband taught me – sorry – at the tip of your lips. When he is settling quarrels amongst couples, which he does often, his first request is to know who among them is ready to plant the word sorry on their lips.
Often, men don’t say sorry. So, I don’t wait for him to say it whether I’m right or wrong. By the time someone offends you and you are the one going to say sorry, it builds you better not weaker. It’s not usually easy though, but because it aligned with my childhood upbringing it was not difficult for me. Naturally I don’t know how to quarrel and if it happens, I don’t want to go to sleep without making up. So, if you annoy me, for me to have my peace of mind, I will come and say sorry. If I annoy you, for me to have my peace of mind I will still come and say sorry. And I am not ashamed of it. That you say sorry does not mean that you will not offend again or that you are weaker. In our home I don’t know who is weak and who is strong. I just believe in God and strive to do what is right. That’s my basic drive.
You got married at 19. Take us through a bit of your educational history and early beginning?
I had both my nursery and primary education at Aba after which I attended University Secondary School, Nsukka, for my secondary school education. My mum’s sister was a staff member of the university and we had an angel gift in one Prof. Okafor at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, and his wife; whom we call mummy and daddy. Me and my siblings cannot say anything about our education without a special tribute to them. They helped to get us admission to the University Secondary School that was pivotal to our burning thirst for higher education. They pushed, drilled and encouraged us so well. The inspiration I got by going to the University Secondary School was a welcome eye opener.
My deep desire to be a doctor grew there and became a passion. My Dad also confirmed that when I was much younger, I loved taking care of people. He told me that as a little child, when my grandfather had gout, I used to clean it very well without fear. So, I had that passion of taking care of the sick and the elderly happy that today, I still do it as a career and profession.
So how were you able to combine the study of a demanding course as Medicine with the task of raising kids and running the home?
That’s my special miracle of God’s grace and affection. I met my husband in 1992 and we got married in 1994. I got admission to study Combined Biological Sciences at the University of Abeokuta and was already pregnant with my first child and daughter, Nwanne. Shuttling from Lagos where we stay to Abeokuta was really stressful and challenging. Because I didn’t really fancy the Combined Biological Sciences course even though they told me that after one year I could change to Medicine, I took the decision to take JAMB again, and fortunately got admitted to the University of Lagos (UNILAG) to study Medicine in 1995.
Between my Medical study admission at Unilag and graduation from LUTH in 2001/2002, and housejob in 2003, I had my four successive babies, without losing a class or session. I made sure I did everything and my family always came first.
That’s why I tell you that I cannot talk much without mentioning God. How I coped and kept the pace was simply beyond me. Some of my classmates do tell me that I was their major inspiration. Many of them confess to me that when they felt tired and reluctant to come to class, once they remembered that I would be seated in the class with my big tummy, they would jump out of the bed, shower and run to class. There was no day I missed a class in my six years in Medical School. It was a long journey but God made it possible. And the people I came across were really nice to me. I never failed a course. I graduated with my class. We were almost 400 in class when we started and I don’t think we were up to 40 when we graduated. To God be the glory I was one of them.
You are now a Consultant Radiologist in the same facility as your School. Was your attainment to that specialisation smoother?
It wasn’t, but what is joyfully significant is that I made it finally and nicely. I owe LUTH as an institution my deep respects and my teachers all appreciations too. I started applying for my Residency programme in LUTH and was taken in 2009/2010. Therefore, I settled for residency programme to be a radiologist. But fate played a different card on me. Three years into it in 2013 my dad got sick, and being the first child and daughter, I had to officially put the programme on hold to take care of him. We lost him in 2014 at 72 after a brave fight by him. His death took a long toll on me because I was very close to him. So, I took my time. When I got myself, I went back in 2017/2018 to complete my residency programme. Now, I am a consultant radiologist. I am now a glorious grandma. And I am so happy to again thank God for my golden birthday at 50.
Going forward, what are you looking at professionally or does business attract you?
The truth of the matter is that you can’t be married to a thorough businessman and not have business ideas and prompts. Oh yes I have a dream to serve the public better one day by adding a specialist one stop diagnostic health facility in Nigeria which will be run at international best standard practice, but it’s still a dream nonetheless.
How did your background prepare you for the feat you have recorded so far in life?
I give it to both my mum and dad. My mum was a teacher while my dad was the home one. He was always there for us. He allowed my mum to go to school while we were growing up. He taught us how to do a whole lot of things. They really did well.
How do you relax? What’s your hobby?
I love dancing. I love singing. I love watching movies. I love taking care of people. As I said, it’s something that really gives me an inner joy. There is this joy I derive from being a party to someone smiling. If you are not happy and I am able to impact your life and you go home smiling, it really gives me some joy that is not explainable. I thank all my well wishers, friends, relations, family, led by my dearest husband for all the warmth, and love they have swarmed me with for turning 50 so humbly accomplished.
The post ‘As a woman, being first to say sorry builds you better’-Juliet Okonkwo appeared first on Guardian Nigeria News.
